GrownUpsMeet.com humor and competitions Forum http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php Sun, 20 May 2012 14:49:56 -0700 1440 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=24
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his
thoughts were somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep I don't know
what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.
==============

His Diary:

Today the Canucks lost, but at least I got laid.]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:40:19 -0800 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=24 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=22
1. If you hear the term "House Whip" on CNN and then get disappointed that they're talking about politics, you may be a submissive.

2. If a friend of yours tells you she can't get out of the house because she's all tied up....and you get jealous, you may be a submissive.

3. If stocks and bonds fascinate you, but you could care less what happens on Wall Street, you may be a submissive.

4. If you find yourself lying about your birthday just to get in an extra spanking or two during the course of a year, you may be a submissive.

5. If you hear a confused person say, "Beats me!" and you automatically yell out "Me next!," you may be a submissive.

6. If you think the best part of going to church is getting to kneel, you may be a submissive (The same holds true if you make up extra sins at confession so you can get a heavier penance).

7. If you actually wish your MasterCard would give you orders, you may be a submissive.

8. If you call your personal vibrator "Sir" you may be a submissive.

9. If you see a road sign displaying, "Chains required" and wonder if that means whips are optional, you may be a submissive.

10. If you read a headline about sub warfare, and picture two naked women cat- fighting over a cute Dom, you may well be a submissive
]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:25:08 -0800 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=22 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21
Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued ... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

fine.]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:24:03 -0800 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=20 features that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending upon where she is at in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If a woman is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:21:01 -0800 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=20 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=19
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared.

I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."

"What!?"

"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um... er...masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr.Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just... just... excited?" my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.

Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned.

We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamster and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks...
1 - Cage - 20 bucks
Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks...
Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's wanker... Priceless
]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:19:32 -0800 http://grownupsmeet.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=19